This life is a battle between good & evil (flesh) within ourselves. We want to do good, but don’t do it. Or at least not all the time.
Romans 7:19 – For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing.
I want to be a helpful & caring person, but I don’t always succeed in that. I feel like I fail daily at it. There have been times I have failed to help others & there are times when I have helped others. There are times when I haven’t cared & times when I have cared. I know that makes me human, but it is frustrating & depressing when I don’t get it right.
When I fail to do or be what I feel that God wants me to do or fail to act in a manner that lines up with the Bible, I feel horrible. I usually start thinking negatively about myself & feel horrible about it for weeks. Even though I have asked for forgiveness & I know God forgives me when I ask.
1 John 1:9 – If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
Forgiving myself is the hardest thing to do. Why can’t I stop thinking about it?
I know I need to learn from it & that is probably part of the reason. However, I start hoping I don’t run into that person again or hoping that I’m not in that situation ever again. Fear is also a big reason. I fear that people will hate me or at the very least not want to be around me anymore. That coupled with fear probably being the reason I messed up in the first place. It makes me realize there is too much fear in my life.
The good news is that God continually reminds me that I am more than my mistakes & He can fix anything that I could possibly mess up. I have to continually get back up & keep trying to do better. Keep trying to be more like Christ every day. He is not going to let me do it alone. He is right there with me, helping me become better. He is helping me change my perspective on a daily basis to become like His perspective.
Because, ultimately this life is not about me, it is about Him & what He has done for me & what He has done for all of us. He died for my sins. He has washed them all away. Past, present, future. He has washed them ALL away.